Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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