But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
