Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
