Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize