Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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