just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
