there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
