O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize