we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
