what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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