Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're like the curious george of whores
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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