she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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