Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
