I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
