cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
