I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
