That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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