Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He felt like a one man threesome
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
