If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were destined to go to rehab together
So much rum. So many feels.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize