i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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