$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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