you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
