Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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