break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize