Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize