You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
