The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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