Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
