I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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