Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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