so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
