Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
