We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
