from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
