DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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