somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
