Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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