8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
