____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
