You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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