you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
