in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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