i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
