i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
