The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
