Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
