I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
