imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
