her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
