He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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