If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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