Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
