so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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