I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
