Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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