Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
