you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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