Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
