true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
