It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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