just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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