ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just forgot I was standing up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize