my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize