There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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