i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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