I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
