Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize