What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
