I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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