Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
